Good News
I have attempted to write in the blog a few times in the last week or so. Each time I decided that it was unfair to everyone to express the incredible anxiety that I was feeling as I approached my first CA-125 test this past Wednesday. The anxiety was staggering and it felt as though I was facing my mortality all over again as I did when I was first diagnosed.
Sean came with me to the hospital because I simply could not go alone. As much as I wanted to be the Warrior, I felt like my knees could buckle underneath me at any time. I could feel my heart race and my breath shorten… I think they call that a panic attack! We went to the infusion area where I received my chemo and I it was the first time I had seen everyone since January. They all were so welcoming and complimenting me on my hair and how healthy I looked. It reminded me of how I felt in treatment which was supported and loved by these people. They were comforting me as they learned that I was there for my first test, took my blood and wished me luck.
Sean and I went to the cafeteria and had a very expensive and not so tasty lunch and then stared at each other and the clock for the next two hours. Bill called anxious for the news but the appointment was at 3:15 – he had to wait with the rest of us. At 3pm we walked upstairs and waited for about 10 minutes. My name was called and I weighed in and had my blood pressure taken and we were escorted to a sub-waiting area… for 45 minutes. We watched Inside Edition and Jeopardy and then I thought I was going to scream.
Little did I know that Dr. Yamada’s assistant Eileen had the results of my test. She saw how miserable I was in the waiting room and found Connie to let her know that someone had to tell me my results. Connie walked in (looking great with her new hair do) and she smiled and asked how I was. I told her I thought I was going to vomit if someone didn’t tell me my results. She said “what, because you got a 6!?” I said “really, a 6?” and then she said “Girl, we have sick people to take care of”… I buried my head in Sean’s chest and cried with relief.
There is a great article in Newsweek this week that talks about surviving with cancer. I highly recommend you take a look on-line. It describes the feelings so accurately… I have another three months to work out how to cope better with the next test. But for now, I am free for three months and I am going to enjoy every moment.
Love,
Marissa
Sean came with me to the hospital because I simply could not go alone. As much as I wanted to be the Warrior, I felt like my knees could buckle underneath me at any time. I could feel my heart race and my breath shorten… I think they call that a panic attack! We went to the infusion area where I received my chemo and I it was the first time I had seen everyone since January. They all were so welcoming and complimenting me on my hair and how healthy I looked. It reminded me of how I felt in treatment which was supported and loved by these people. They were comforting me as they learned that I was there for my first test, took my blood and wished me luck.
Sean and I went to the cafeteria and had a very expensive and not so tasty lunch and then stared at each other and the clock for the next two hours. Bill called anxious for the news but the appointment was at 3:15 – he had to wait with the rest of us. At 3pm we walked upstairs and waited for about 10 minutes. My name was called and I weighed in and had my blood pressure taken and we were escorted to a sub-waiting area… for 45 minutes. We watched Inside Edition and Jeopardy and then I thought I was going to scream.
Little did I know that Dr. Yamada’s assistant Eileen had the results of my test. She saw how miserable I was in the waiting room and found Connie to let her know that someone had to tell me my results. Connie walked in (looking great with her new hair do) and she smiled and asked how I was. I told her I thought I was going to vomit if someone didn’t tell me my results. She said “what, because you got a 6!?” I said “really, a 6?” and then she said “Girl, we have sick people to take care of”… I buried my head in Sean’s chest and cried with relief.
There is a great article in Newsweek this week that talks about surviving with cancer. I highly recommend you take a look on-line. It describes the feelings so accurately… I have another three months to work out how to cope better with the next test. But for now, I am free for three months and I am going to enjoy every moment.
Love,
Marissa
posted by Marissa at
1:39 PM
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